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Four Word Letter

Apr. 2nd, 2006 | 05:42 pm

Part I
I wrote a four word letter
Though i'd lived i hadn't been alive
You held my hem but i traveled blind
Thought i'd sold my soul for something better
The rain came down, it wet my eyes
I didn't mind
It's not me that you've missed
You heard me when i cried
"You've seen you've loved a side of me that died"
I remember sunshine
And you were mine
It's still a little cloudy but there's no rain in sight
You were mine

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Four Word Letter

Apr. 2nd, 2006 | 05:41 pm

Part II

I wrote a four word letter...with post-script in crooked lines, "Though I'd lived I'd never been alive." And you know who I am...you held my hem as I traveled blind, Listening to the whispering in my ear, soft but getting stronger, Telling me the only purpose of my being here is to stay a bit longer. Stealing a bicycle chain as the handlebars crashed to the ground, And the back wheel detached from the frame, it kept rolling, yeah, But aimlessly drifting around. Oh, doubters, let's go down...let's go down, won't you come on down? Oh, doubters, let's go down...down to the river to pray. "Oh, but I'm so small I can barely be seen...how can this great love be inside of me?" Look at your eyes....they're small in size, but they see enormous things. Wearing black canvas slippers in our frog-on-a-lily-pad pose, We sewed buttons and zippers to Chinese pink silk and olive night clothes. If you could someday stop by somehow we'll show you the pictures and fix you some tea... See, my dad's getting a bit older now, and just unimaginably lonely! Oh, pretenders, let's go down...let's go down, won't you come on down? Oh, pretenders, let's go down...down to the river to pray. "Oh, but I'm so afraid" or "I'm set in my ways" But He'll make the rabbits and rocks sing His praise. "Oh, but I'm too tired, I won't last long." No, He'll use the weak to overcome the strong! Oh, Amanda, let's go down...let's go down, won't you come on down? Mama, Nana, let's go down...down in the dirt by the river to pray. (A wick to fit the wax...wood to fit the wire) You strike the match...why not be utterly changed to fire? To sacrifice the shadow and the mist of a brief life you never much liked? So if you'd care to come along, we're gonna curb all our never-ending, clever complaining, As who's ever heard of a singer criticized by his song? Though we hunger, though all that we eat brings us little relief, We don't know quite what else to do; We have all our beliefs, but we don't want our beliefs... God of Peace, we want You.

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i'm like a cigarette; burning every night

Apr. 1st, 2006 | 11:06 pm
music: "The Ponytail Parades" Emery

So basically, while lots of people are soaking up their spiritual fuel for the home stretch of the school year at Disciple Now, I've been running around like an idiot. Doing theatre, sort of doing band, sort of writing music...mostly doing theatre. I've been quite bitter this week. Jealous, actually. Of people and their friends and relationships. Of all the things I have... I'm never going to be happy with anything. Sometimes I wish my life sucked. So I could relate to people. So I could actually help someone. So people would know that they could talk to me. He doesn't really care, is what most people probably think. It's all about brad in his head. Yeah. I'm tired of being alone but I really don't have much of a choice anymore

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Mar. 25th, 2006 | 09:31 pm

when will the weak shame the strong
and not collapse into our own arms
when will we raise our flags past half-mast
and not collapse into our own arms
but shame will keep us who we are

shame is the anchor tied around my ankle
shame keeps me low and close to the bottom
where I am the least
at the bottom

where pride has never been and never will
the swell of my chest
I stand on this
where pride has never been and never will
the swell of my chest
I call this brave
but how dare I call this love 
and not bear my cross to the end

how can I call this love when all that I am 
is because your love endures my back to it
your love endures my back to it
your love endures my back to it

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Mar. 22nd, 2006 | 06:38 pm


Lost is new tonight.
Go watch it.

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(no subject)

Mar. 17th, 2006 | 10:06 am



Since this is the only show I have the opportunity to go to, I'm gonna live it up.

Rocking Out.
Video montage.

Dead man, were you ever alive or was I just a seed
 buried deep inside some woman you wed
 right before you crawled out of her bed and crept down the hall?
 Did you think of me?
 Did you even for a second hesitate, in the doorway?
 It's just something I'd like to know,
 though I'd still love you if you told me
 that you just walked away.

 My God, what a world you love!
 Men bury their sons, and without thought, they just walk away.

 And my mother's heart breaks like the water inside of her. (2x)

 Dead man, is it being high that makes you alive?
 It makes you leave behind three boys and a wife, in '89.
 And as the track marks inch their way up your arm,
 my mother taught my brothers and I not to call you "Daddy,"
 but to call you "Father". 

But I believe there is something here to be learned of grace.
 'Cause I can't help but love you.
 No, I can't help but love you
 even with a heart that breaks, like the promises that you made.
 Like the promises that you made. 
The promises that you made. 
'Cause I can't help but love you.

 My God, what a world you love...

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(no subject)

Mar. 7th, 2006 | 08:46 pm
mood: drunkdrunk
music: The Cavaliers 1995 "The Planets"

Everybody is busy.  Imagine that.

There's this new band I'm diggin' right now called As Cities Burn. They have lyrics that make my extremeties tingle.

"I will hang my life in the space 
Between the noose and your neck
I won't let you die just yet.

I can't save you

Control is something out of mine

No, I can't save you

Control is something out of my control

I can't save you but I will love you

No, I can't save you but I will love you

I’d like to think that this is love

Lost in second chances without end

This is romance."

'Smagnificent. Absolutely.
Live Journal has gotten a  makeover! I'm enjoying this. 
Today was a realization. I don't freak out about my GPA like other people. It's not perfect...it's not going to be. That was decided in 6th grade when I decided to stop paying attention to math. w00t. So, anyway.

Terrible! How Terrible for the Great City!
Am I a monster when I sink my teeth into her?
When I don't love her
No, I don't love you
Forgive me darling, but love has nothing to do with this
It has nothing to do with how I can't stop
Until I get what I want from you

This is what real men keep quiet
It doesn't exist if you can hide it behind your teeth
And sleep at night next to your wife
Who you love too much to tell her 
You don't love her at all

I just feel as empty as the lungs
Of those waiting in the womb
Do you feel as empty as the lungs of those waiting?
To come into this world
Where being beautiful means being used

How long will we blame the devils on our shoulders?
And pose like angels on the outside
When all I am is a monster

I want to go to that show tomorrow. It depends on whether I have to be at the church at 8:30 or 8:50. ACB goes on at 8:20. Grr. I love you all. Goodnight.

P.S.      feel inferior. now. hahaha

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a. 1..2...3

Mar. 5th, 2006 | 08:07 am

i am a kid
dang it

in every relationship i've been in

there's no two mature people
in mutual... harmony...

there's just one mature person (usually younger)

and one kid. me.

i'm tired of it

but i wont ever change.

i will never be close to anyone again.

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(no subject)

Feb. 26th, 2006 | 06:15 pm


Marshall AVT412 Slant Cabinet

4x 12" Celestion Vintage 30s
200 W 8 Ohms

Good condition; it's had 2 owners (me and Josh Sebren) and it has a few nicks and scrapes from the road but it has a beautiful sound. I'm selling her so I can get some cool new stuff. If you're interested, drop me a message, or if you know anyone who might be interested, have them contact me.


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(no subject)

Feb. 15th, 2006 | 07:47 pm

Ladies and Gents, it is an honor to present you with my first picture post with my new camera!

Valentine's Day:

Aaron and Bonnie, our residential lovers-without-official-strings.

Me, showing off the new hardware to Lauren.

Sarah, examining onion cells.

The onion cells via microscope.




Day-after: Drama practice



The Bradley, being sepia.

Brittany and Natalie


Ghost CJ


Nice, eh?

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